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[enoderedrum]

 

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ripraven

CURRENT HOUSING:

Currently living both in his designated housing, but also Adams House (pretty much in Kavinsky's bed nightly).

 

SCARS / MARKINGS:
ENVY - Cut into his left forearm (via Blue)
SUFFER - Carving into his calf via himself.
WRIST SCARS (successful suicide) + Thigh SCAR.
WRIST TATTOO -  Paw on his right wrist (via Kavinsky)
THROAT TATTOO - A raven with its wings spread on either side of his neck,
the face is a skull of the raven instead, and the background is filled with blue, purple and hints of red watercolor splashes. (Tattoo shop on Mammons Island.)
RIBCAGE TATTOO - An arrow for Clint and an hourglass for Nat.
STITCH SCARS AROUND MOUTH + slightly damaged vocal cords - Thanks to The Veiled Order capture.
MERMAN Features; white hands with claws and subtle webbing that's retractable, iridescent scales over his hands and in random spots.

DEMON ATTRIBUTES:

Demon Teeth.
The beginning of Pointy Ears (not pictures because right now they're just itchy and growing).
[These are based off Hellburbia Suicide].
Slowly his hands are turning White and his nails are turning into claws (basically)





RICHARD JOSEPH LYNCH
aka
little grey dragon he adopted from Mammons Island.

 

N A V I G A T I O N:  kinks & permissions | visuals | funeral | bdsm info | cr chart
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Comments

[enoderedrum]

Noah doesn’t know what to say for a very long time. He’s watching the way Kaz is moving. The way he’s sitting. He can feel his heart beating and the uncertainty creeping in as his own walls slowly lift to try and figure out how to navigate this. It made sense to him, to stay away. To let time mend whatever this bullshit was a hat was in his head. To let the guilt leave him before he tries to solidify everything again.

It made sense because then he wouldn’t accidentally push onto this boy lol hat he was feeling. The hurt that came from something that no one had any hand in controlling in the first place. The feeling of abandonment and the fear that he’d never see them again. That they would be stuck there, not remembering him or Jes. Or Wylan. Or any of them.

It was one thing to be forgotten once. It was another to have it shoved in his face all over again. To take any ounce of control he may have had and strip it from him. To take the people he cared about the most away and force them to be people they weren’t. Do things they wouldn’t.

His heart hammers in his chest and his eyes gloss over, “Did you read all of my messages? Listen to them?”

[greedbowstome]

He doesn't know how to read Noah like this and he doesn't like it. He's just so... Kaz doesn't even know the right word for it. He just knows it's not right. This is not the Noah he–– however unwittingly, accidentally–– left behind.

"Yes..." he nods, "All of them... every one." He had gone through them one by one, and tried to ignore the way it all made him feel. He wasn't very good at that last part. It may be part of the reason sleep was so elusive.

[enoderedrum]

Nodding slowly, Noah swallows back his own bullshit and shifts forward…hesitantly extending his hand across the tabletop.

“Then you know why this is hard for me,” he says, “I want to be here. I do. I want to not go away but I am feeling way too many things to risk pushing them onto you.” He gives him a look and then looks away.

“And yeah, unfounded, ridiculous jealousy is one of them,” he snorts and pulls his hand back completely so he can reach for his bag, fully intending to leave, “I won’t be gone much longer. Till then, Jes is more than capable or doing anything I was before.”

[greedbowstome]

His eyes follow the line of Noah's hand reaching across the table and his own gloved fingers curl on themselves for a second. Two.

He thinks about how easy it was there. How unfettered and free he was with touch–

Leaning into kisses on his cheek from his– from Sara––

Hugs from Nicole like it was a daily occurrence––

An easy, friendly shoulder nudge with Alina––

The so-simple, unbothered slide of his hands across––

He cuts the thought there because that is part of the reason for this entire mess, in the first place. Beyond every other thing still firmly tangled up in it all.

This, however, is a very short time in reality. That single half-second space of a snap before he reaches to meet Noah's hand in the middle of the table. Hooking his fingers with the ghost's briefly. A show of faith? A promise? A point to prove to himself? Maybe all of these, maybe none of it. He just knows he couldn't let the second pass without something. Anything.

"So do it." It comes out more like a dare or a challenge than he meant it to, but he wouldn't stand down from the tone of it if pressed, either. "Push it onto me. I..." whatever was coming next is gone in a second, a frown, soft, thoughtful, pinched just between his eyes, comes over his face and he shakes his head, changes course. "...Noah, you have taken on my past, my...emotions, my panic and anger and my trauma for months. Even the score a little...let me carry some of this with you."

Let him return the favor. Be the one doing the helping, instead of the helped, for once.

[enoderedrum]

“No,” it comes instantly. Sharp. And his heart speeds up again.

Panic and something else. Didn’t he just hear him?

He failed to get him out of there! What happened in there will catch up to him and it’ll be even more trauma compounded on what Kaz already has. Noah isn’t about to go and make it worse by adding his own hang ups into the mix.

No.

He loops the bag over his shoulder and stands up. He watches the other boy for a moment…did…was he not paying attention to the jealousy part?

“Thank you…but no,” he adds softer, “please just go back to Jes. I don’t like you being out here alone. I’ll be fine.”

[greedbowstome]

He frowns. Strange, hearing himself echoed in this boy like that.

The problem is they're coming at this from such different angles, but Kaz has no idea how to make them align. They are too far apart on what they're looking at right now to make it happen.

It's a lead stone in his stomach.
A sour taste in his throat.
A knife edged perfectly between his ribs.

All he can do, short of grabbing him, forcing him to sit back down, is the exact thing he'd not wanted to do since Noah had sat down at this table:

Watch him walk away.

[enoderedrum]

It looked like Kaz was going to give him what he wanted. Space. To be left alone.

Good.

Great.

Easy.

But it wasn’t. And this was the problem. He didn’t want to be away from them. Any of them. He just didn’t want to feel what he felt. It was stupid. And he knew what he was doing was such a classic Noah thing to do. He knew it.

He turned to go but it almost hurt worse to leave than it would be if he stayed.

“You really want to feel it?” He asks softly, closing his eyes.

[greedbowstome]

Something stupid happens in his chest at the sound of Noah's voice again. Not like the way the drowning panic feels. Something else. Something lighter.

"Yes," he says just as immediately as Noah had said the opposite seconds ago. A forceful gust of a single word tangled tight with the ropes of desperation. He's suddenly sure that this will be the only chance he has again, so there is no other choice, no other option to pick. Even if his answer was no, he had to say yes. But he'd meant what he said, and he didn't have to lie this day.

But.
Suddenly.

The too-public-nature of where they are creeps slowly back into Kaz's awareness. It was fine to be a hushed conversation between two... well, what even were they? Kaz isn't sure anymore. He isn't sure he ever knew. "...Maybe not here." It doesn't feel like the kind of thing that should be so out in the open, does it?

[enoderedrum]

“Come on,” he murmurs. He can agree that this isn’t something he wants aired out publicly anymore than Kaz would.

Noah waits until he can hear Kaz moving before he starts to leave the cafe. He doesn’t want to go to a room. He doesn’t want to go far. He just wants to go somewhere else. Somewhere dark.

He finds a room, looks sort of like an office, and heads inside where he drops his bag on the floor and waits for the other boy so he can close the door and lock it behind them.

[greedbowstome]

He doesn't hesitate to follow, except in so much as his leg might protest, since he'd forgotten his damn cane when he left earlier. He hadn't really intended to come so far, or do much more than wander the hall he was on in the first place, but his mind had blanked, and he'd just let his feet carry him wherever they deemed fit to go.

He slips into the room behind him and snaps the lock on the door. Some habits never break, and he doesn't doubt Noah might have done the same.

The room is dark, only whatever low light may seep in through blinds over a window on the far side of the room from where they're standing. Kaz doesn't move to turn on any lights, and he doesn't say a word.

[enoderedrum]

Noah can feel the other boy; it’s like a tingling sensation against his skin in the dark. A magnet urging him to get it over with but it isn’t easy. He already hates it. But if there’s one person he has shared secrets with here it’s Kaz. It was easy with Kaz and he didn’t even know why. Maybe because he never let anything go.

Visibility is almost none but Noah moves closer, letting that pull draw him in just close enough to know he’s a breath away. All he would need to do is lean.

He could push. He’d already proven that he didn’t need to touch to get his point across but…that felt too detached.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs quietly and reaches up slowly, hesitating for half a second before grabbing the other boys face and drawing him down into a kiss.

A point of contact.
A gateway.

And it’s all there.

The way he felt when he was stuck in Hellburbia the first time. The way he knew it was wrong. The pain and the hope when he ended everything.

And then it was the loneliness and the anger when they were all taken. The anxiety. The loneliness. The bitterness. The utter hate he had for Barbas and Lucifer. It was the hopeless feeling when they couldn’t get in. And then the pain of being forgotten again. How they were strangers.

Then it was betrayal. And sorrow. And jealousy. And just…sad. A mixture of things trying to convince himself it was okay but it wasn’t but it should be but he couldn’t make it that.

Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.

And then he let go, broke the kiss and tipped his head back down even though he couldn’t see his face anyway.

[greedbowstome]

He knows how Noah's...power works. They've used it together enough, it's kind of old hat now. Except it's been a month without it. More than, even. And Kaz really doesn't know what to expect this time. In this room. In the dark. Everything is quiet, only the hum that comes with so much silence stacked on top of itself.

An apology.
Useless.
Stupid.
He wanted this.
Asked for it.
He––

This kiss is nothing at all like the last ones he had shared with Noah. This was not the soft thing, full of sweetness and hunger; it was desperate and jagged as everything pours from Noah into Kaz, a dizzying deluge of so many things.

So much pain and anger and bitterness, and Saints, the loneliness, Kaz isn't sure he's felt any quite so deep before. It was hard to keep track of the race of it all flooding his focus at once.

Almost as quickly as it had started, it ended. Abrupt and jarring in a different way than the first.

Except.
Except.

"No." he says, almost too quickly to even be a word at all. One glove disappears, discarded carelessly as he reaches and hooks his fingers around Noah's own. He should say something else. Maybe anything at all. But he doesn't know how to. Or what it would be if he tried. What it even should be. What shape it should take.

So he doesn't bother trying to put it into words. He just shifts his hand in the ghost's, curls his fingers through the spaces in Noah's. He isn't even sure what the point of it is, this... attempt. This gesture. But he is sure of one thing, and it's that touch is one of the most important tools for Noah. And even though some part of Kaz is practically wilting inside of him for even trying to say something, everything, without any words at all, he refuses to let go.

[enoderedrum]

The gesture…is everything.

It’s everything. It stuns Noah into a sort of astonished silence.

This is what he hoped he did for Kaz but he was never sure if he could ever accomplish it. It was like someone reaching in and pressing pause on a storm.

No?

“….why did you say no?” He asks quietly, fascinated by the feel of the other boys hand tangled up with his own. Why was he touching him? Why would he risk continuing to go through that flurry of bullshit?

Tipping his head back against he brushes their noses together. And waits.

[greedbowstome]

The truth is... he isn't exactly sure. It was just the only thing that felt right at the time. No, don't leave. No, don't let go. No, no, no was a drum beat in his head and he'd acted on it. Uselessly. Pointlessly. Unsure of why, or where to go from it at all.

"I... I don't– I don't know," the last, full response is said around a half-hearted laugh that is more awkward, than humorous. His brain is working faster than he can make sense of the thoughts, mixed with all of Noah's everything, it's hard to put it in any sort of order. "I just– I told you... I'd carry it with you, I..."

He's close. He's so close and it's so hard to think. Through his own thoughts. Through Noah's emotions. Through warring sets of memories, of Jesper and Noah in his suite, of Kavinsky at the edge of a pool. But there's a softness, here, Noah nuzzling against him, and it's the only thing he wants to cling to, the only thing he wants the other boy to think about.

So he shifts, this tiniest little turn of his head to brush his lips against Noah's. Not really even a kiss, but the promise of one, if Noah wants it.

[enoderedrum]

The laugh softens everything further. Draws him out of his own head and back into the safety of this dark room. Of the quiet. Of nothing but…them. Again, he is somehow reminded of the fact that Kaz is supposed to be this dangerous boy, someone you probably wouldn’t want to be locked in a dark room with but he can’t find any thread of reason to make him worry.

His lips tip upward in a smile but he breathes an amuse noise instead of a laugh.

There are emotions weaving around through his own, hints of things but Noah doesn’t try to take hold of them. He’s tired. Tired of fighting with them. Or trying to hold on and let go of others. He’s tired of trying to convince himself that being alone is better. Safer. It isn’t.

It’s just making it worse. He’d rather be mad, or hurt.

The kiss comes and Noah’s brain completely stops working for what feels like forever. But before he can stop himself from reacting, he presses forward and opens his mouth to it. Tastes just enough of the other boy to shake his hand free and reach up to keep him close. A warm sigh on an exhale and he relaxes almost completely.

Stay…

[greedbowstome]

He should have expected it, he thinks. That near-immediate reaction as Noah surges forward, goes full-tilt for a proper kiss this time. It's enough to shock him, just for a second, and then he responds in kind. He presses just a little closer when Noah untangles their fingers to pull him in because it feels right. It feels safe. It is safe, because it's Noah.

There are a hundred thoughts running through his head, but it's just a buzz in the back of his mind. His focus is on Noah and the much more pleasant hum under his skin right now. He reaches again for Noah's hand with his glove-free one, fingers threading together and squeezing gently.

He almost repeats, 'Don't leave,'.
But he decides it sounds different, better somehow, to say, "Just stay..." instead. Eyes closed. Pressed what should be impossibly close, but isn't. Because it's Noah, and because of Noah and all the work of months before this.

[enoderedrum]

It’s comes so much more easily than he thought it would. The decision. The answer.

“Okay,” he breathes, keeps his eyes closed and doesn’t move. Can’t move. Won’t move. What’s the worst that could happen now? He’d already literally given Kaz his problems.

Most of them anyway. He tried to keep most of the feelings involving Kavinsky at bay.

He carefully retrieved his hand and took a half step back, not wanting to force anything else on Kaz while he was still recovering from that charade, “okay.”

[greedbowstome]

He didn't expect it to be so simple.

He blinks in confusion as Noah lets go, steps back, but he says okay.

Okay.

He didn't expect just how much relief it might flood him with for Noah to agree. It's a breath breathed back into his lungs he never knew he was holding to begin with. "Really?" It isn't doubt that makes him ask, no, he sounds...hopeful. He wants this, more than he could explain why to anyone, least of all himself.

[enoderedrum]

“I’ve already let you feel my fear of abandonment, how it felt to be forgotten, the guilt I’ve had for over a month and my jealousy….there’s no point in staying away now,” he breathes, relieved and amused.

He pauses, “though, you did play dirty by kissing me.”

[greedbowstome]

"I know you won't listen, but... you've nothing to be guilty for." Kaz is sure it will make not a single drop of difference in the way it feels, but maybe hearing it means something anyway.

He can't help the soft, amused huff of a sound at that. "...you started it." he counters.

[enoderedrum]

“I told you I missed you, and you know how it works. Two birds one stone,” he huffs softly and smoothed his hands unconsciously around the others waist; mostly toying with the fabric beneath his fingers.

[greedbowstome]

Kaz didn't remember Noah to miss him, but he doesn't dare to say it, or even fully conceptualize the thought, lest it becomes translated somehow into something Noah can feel in him. He doesn't want to travel back down that road. This one is much better.

"So... where do we go, then?" A random room, to continue being alone, in more comfort than can be afforded in an office-space? Kaz's suite, for the familiarity...?

[enoderedrum]

Noah blinks in the dark and tries to think; he misses his house but they obviously can’t go there. None of the Ravens can. He finds himself leaning in , closer, closer, closer until his forehead is pressed against the other boys shoulder.

“I’ll go wherever you wanna go,” he murmurs, and then tips his head back again to look up at him again in the dark. This is safe. His nose brushes along his jaw and he reluctantly unloops his arms from around him, “but I’m taking my pants off and using you as a pillow.”

[greedbowstome]

He laughs softly at that. "Saints, Noah." he mutters, shaking his head. Is it wrong to want to go somewhere else than his own suite? It's not in some sort of effort to hide anything. Inej knows the specific, sometimes peculiar, and always important nature of his relationship with Noah. It is no secret.

"Come on." he mumbles, tugging gently on his fingers as he goes toward the door. They can steal away in one of the many, empty rooms in the hotel. Just for a night.

[enoderedrum]

Curious, Noah grabs his bag again because he isn’t about to leave his clean clothes in a random office. But he also keeps his fingers looped with Kaz’s. He notes the lack of cane and arches a brow but he doesn’t mention it. If he was up and just wanted to move a bit it made sense that he might have left the cane behind. He just hopes he didn’t leave it - leave it.

He stays close and gradually lowers his guard, letting his own feelings radiate towards the other boy; curiosity, uncertainty, affection….relief.