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[enoderedrum]

 

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ripraven

CURRENT HOUSING:

Currently living both in his designated housing, but also Adams House (pretty much in Kavinsky's bed nightly).

 

SCARS / MARKINGS:
ENVY - Cut into his left forearm (via Blue)
SUFFER - Carving into his calf via himself.
WRIST SCARS (successful suicide) + Thigh SCAR.
WRIST TATTOO -  Paw on his right wrist (via Kavinsky)
THROAT TATTOO - A raven with its wings spread on either side of his neck,
the face is a skull of the raven instead, and the background is filled with blue, purple and hints of red watercolor splashes. (Tattoo shop on Mammons Island.)
RIBCAGE TATTOO - An arrow for Clint and an hourglass for Nat.
STITCH SCARS AROUND MOUTH + slightly damaged vocal cords - Thanks to The Veiled Order capture.
MERMAN Features; white hands with claws and subtle webbing that's retractable, iridescent scales over his hands and in random spots.

DEMON ATTRIBUTES:

Demon Teeth.
The beginning of Pointy Ears (not pictures because right now they're just itchy and growing).
[These are based off Hellburbia Suicide].
Slowly his hands are turning White and his nails are turning into claws (basically)





RICHARD JOSEPH LYNCH
aka
little grey dragon he adopted from Mammons Island.

 

N A V I G A T I O N:  kinks & permissions | visuals | funeral | bdsm info | cr chart
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Comments

[greedbowstome]

"I... I know that." Logically, he does, he knows. But he can't help the heightened awareness of that fact, or what it does to him internally. He doesn't really know how to parse this. He's used to this... connection that Noah has to people being an advantage for them, and suddenly it's turned sour.

This strange, uneven footing makes everything darken, like maybe he's trying to hide it all from him. It won't work, except maybe to muddy the waters a bit– but it's already out there, there's no taking it back.

The problem is, Kaz processes so many things– anguish, pain, embarrassment, fear– as anger and it's no different right now. The words that come out of his mouth are harsh and snappish, more like when they'd first started talking than whatever new vibe they'd fallen into with each other. "I thought you, of all people, would understand it." The way all the pieces connect, because he has the whole story in his hands. His brother. The Reaper's Barge. And Hell, taking shots at every turn. Those things roaming the halls, Jesper among them. What he'd done, the way his sharpshooter had looked in the hall– it was all still weighing heavily on him, too. Everything twisted together into one big mess he couldn't quite put aside.

[enoderedrum]

It was a lot all at once, again. Everything pinging one nerve ending after another and he stopped breathing as they each connected. It’s hard because he does understand. He does. He understands better than anyone but it’s harder when you’re so similar to what someone has feelings over.

Kaz’s tone adds an extra little slap and he visibly flinches a bit before he looks down at the carpet.

“I do understand…” he murmurs quietly, and hesitates before moving back down to sit on the couch again, “I’m sorry.”

[greedbowstome]

The truth of it is, for a long moment, there was the thought that somehow this would be over. Because of a stray feeling he couldn’t do anything about. And that… that unnerved him. More than he might have expected and in light of everything else said recently, Kaz isn’t entirely sure he can blame it on the sessions. They’ve had less of those than genuine conversations— it all really boiled down to a panic that Noah might be the one to walk out, and the very intricate knowledge of knowing he would not have chased him. Despite not wanting that particular outcome, it is not Kaz Brekker’s nature to chase, or beg, and that would feel like both.

That part of the mess in his head? It relaxes something in his chest when Noah moves carefully back to the couch. “It’s… fine. I just…” And there it goes, tightening the vice grip in his lungs again. He thinks he might have to reassess just what the exact nature of… whatever this is with Noah. There are only a small number of people in the world he gets any sort of twisted up about— and maybe Noah is on that list a bit more than Kaz has realized.

[enoderedrum]

Everything that came after the panic was more confusing than not. Noah was trying not to focus on any one thing in particular but some of it he knew like they were his own feelings. It took a few long moments but he lifted his head and let his eyes pass over the other boys face.

There was a mutual panic; mutual but different.

Noah opened his mouth, and closed it again. Sometimes he worried about what he said more than what he didn’t say and now he was torn. But one thing was very clear at this stage: they were both worried that whatever this was would end somehow. Too soon.

“Do me a favor….” He starts quietly, “…don’t lump me in with all of those dead things from here or your past and abandon me and I won’t abandon you.”

The rest of it…all in due time.

[greedbowstome]

He closes his eyes for a moment, trying to think through it all with the rational part of him. That part of him that knows Noah isn’t dead, at least not here, and here is all that matters in the equation, anything else is extra and inessential because it isn’t here, it isn’t now. The part that knows Noah is safe, has been since this whole thing started.

“I don’t— I’m not trying to! I wasn’t even actively thinking that, it was just this…” he struggles to explain it, he isn’t sure if he even needs to. “vague thing in the back of my mind because of everything that’s gone on and…”

He sighs, agitated, and shoves a hand through his hair. “I don’t think of you like that, Noah.” It’s firmer than all the rest before it, not as frenetic, just…sure.

[enoderedrum]

Noah’s hands instinctively start to reach out to calm the panic, the mixture of negative emotions mixing around but he stops just short of touching Kaz. His fingers twitch mid-hair and he slowly lets them drop a few inches before Kaz shoves his hand through his hair.

The…

Noah blinks once and then huffs softly and crosses his arms, “Don’t do that again,” he pauses again, “How do you think of me?”

[greedbowstome]

Kaz feels his shoulders tense at the outstretched hand, but he relaxes when he doesn’t actually touch him. He isn’t sure he could have tolerated it just now. Everything right this second is a little more than he’d like to be dealing with right now.

He might have given him more than a small, confused frown at that first comment if not for the question that followed it. His gaze drops to the floor as he tries to figure out exactly how to answer it. “I… I trust you.” It’s such a simple statement, but it’s so much more complicated on the inside of it. It’s the kind of thing that means more than any label he might decide to give this— friends? Were they? Hard to say, but that? That’s far more important than anything else.

[enoderedrum]

Trust.

Granted, Noah knew there was some level of that anyway otherwise Kaz wouldn’t just let him waltz into his Hell Home and push him to do this. That had always been there to a degree. But, he’s never actually said it out loud. A small part of him wonders if Kaz will realize at some point that Noah sometimes needs to hear the words that are tied to the feelings. It’s one thing to feel everyone in the room and know they care but to hear them say it is something else entirely.

The ghost doesn’t say anything for a while, just sorting through things and picking out his own insecurity and untangling it from Kaz’s fears. He knows he needs to take himself out of the equation at some point.

Instead of any of it, he scoots a little closer and leans in, in, in, like he’s going to kiss him or something but he stops just short and smiles, “Say it again but in that gibberish you speak.”

[greedbowstome]

Kaz isn’t good at this, he never has been. The only way to survive in The Barrel is to never let anyone close enough to do any real damage. The fact that Noah got the words out of him at all is basically monumental as it gets with someone like him. He just hopes that Noah can appreciate that for all it’s worth.

He can’t stop himself from leaning slightly back into the couch when Noah invades his space that way, unsure what he’s doing in the moment. One corner of his mouth quirks up the tiniest little bit at that, an eyebrow arching curiously. “I’m not sure why you’re so fascinated with it.” He admits, but he repeats it— I trust you— in Kerch anyway.

[enoderedrum]

Noah appreciates it. There is no doubt about that. He appreciates it and the effort that Kaz actually has to put In in order to meet him half way on everything. He knows it isn’t easy but he knows it’s necessary. The ghost doesn’t want to change Kaz; these are protections that are needed where they’re from and he knows that. He just wants to break them down for the people Kaz is close to so they can feel even more separate from the strangers.

The closeness is completely on purpose. It’s a way to breach the barrier without using touch at all. Noah always has a reason for the things he does. They’re not just accidents.

His eyes slide down to watch the others mouth shape the words and then move back up, “Can’t I just like it?”

[greedbowstome]

Kaz doesn't doubt that Noah does things with a purpose, particularly during these little meetings of theirs, even if he doesn't quite see it from the same angle. It's harder to turn things over to someone else, and that's what these sessions are more than not. The learning curve is steep, and Kaz isn't entirely sure he's passing yet.

The too-obvious way Noah's gaze drifts to watch the way he speaks his native tongue and the close proximity of the pair of them makes every nerve a live wire, despite the distinct lack of contact. His tongue darts nervously across his lips, "I suppose you can."

[enoderedrum]

Noah lingers a moment longer before giving Kaz his space once more.

Since touch wouldn’t be doable today, he figures a little space invasion would do. He glances around the space for the first time. Purposefully being nosy since he wasn’t the first time he was here.

“I like the way they sound on your tongue,” he murmurs and gets up from the couch to wander around a little bit, peeping at some things before he stops in front of the laundry pile. Why was it in a pile when they had a washing machine? Clearly he’s lived with Kavinsky too long.

“And you do have an accent by the way,” he says as he passes by towards the machine with the pile of clothing in hand.

[greedbowstome]

There's suddenly space in his chest for his lungs and a proper breath the second Noah leans back out of his personal bubble. He hates how much it affects him. He wishes they could speed this along, somehow, though he knows it's far too delicate of a balance to do that.

"I imagine it sounds better, being my natural language." He's never had much of an ear for them, Nina has given him a hard time about it plenty of times.

He frowns as Noah starts wandering the suite, "What are you doing?"

[enoderedrum]

“Your laundry,” Noah replies easily, casually, like it’s obvious as he sorts through things and tosses them into the washing machine. Probably all of it should go on the delicate cycle, he decides, just because it’s weirdly fancy shit.

He smirks softly to himself as he loads the machine, “So what were you more nervous about? My being in your space or the threat of my kissing you?”

That was the true question. He gives Kaz a look that says he didn’t have to be an empath to notice how fast his heart had been beating.

[greedbowstome]

The answer... doesn't actually clear it up, and now he has to come investigate what the other boy is doing. "That's what these are for?" he gives the washer a curious glance before looking back at Noah. "What's the difference in them, then?" There were two machines in this closet, after all.

He scoffs at the question, leaning a shoulder against the wall. "As if you would." He doubts it. Is it because he can't fathom Noah genuinely wanting to, or because he knows beyond any doubt at this point that he wouldn't shove that far across any boundaries? Who's to say, honestly.

He doesn't bother trying to deny that he was nervous at all, though.

[enoderedrum]

Arching a brow, Noah looks back at the machines and adds the detergent to the washer, closes it up and presses a few buttons.

“Yeah. How long have you actually been in this room…?” He chuckles softly, then motions to each machine, “This one washes the clothes, and when it’s finished cycling, you put them in this one and it dries them.”

Sometimes he forgets that the Crows come from somewhere else entirely. The phones, technology, washing machines…

He waits till the water starts before he moves closer again to Kaz’s leaning form. Even like this he’s taller than Noah by a little bit, enough to make him have to look up a ways.

“Kaz…if you doubt for one second that I wouldn’t kiss you if I could, you’re very very wrong,” god he wanted to, “but I won’t until you want to kiss me back.”

[greedbowstome]

"Since we came back from Mammon's territory." He answers easily enough with a shrug. He doesn't have any qualms about not understanding the strange things in this place. Kerch, Ravka, the whole lot of countries he knows? Have nothing remotely on par with it, so he couldn't possibly know it innately somehow. Still. He makes a note of everything Noah's doing, so he can tell Inej about it later. This will be much simpler of a task now, actually.

He shifts unevenly on his feet. He expected it, in a way, because it seems invasion of personal space is the lesson of the day, but that doesn't stop it from making some part of him squirm.

"Who says I'll want to?" It's not the sharp thing it could have been, all the edges blunted and softened into something quiet and uncertain, his eyes locked on Noah's. He isn't sure how much help that ability of his would be just now– Kaz isn't entirely sure how he feels about the idea at all. For so long, there was only Inej, and in a lot of ways that's still true. But Hell has shaken some things around, too.

[enoderedrum]

Noah isn’t actually using his ‘ability’ right now. His focus is solely on the other boys face. Sometimes he gets more by watching him, anyway.

“No one. If you never want to then it just won’t happen,” Noah answers with a little shrug. And that was the truth. If Kaz never wanted to kiss him, Noah wouldn’t push it. It was easy to slip away and lock out feelings if he absolutely had to. But he did want to…that was the problem. “I probably shouldn’t flirt with you to begin with. I can stop if you want me to.”

Licking his bottom lip he glances at the machines again, “If you need to know how anything else works, you can just ask.”

[greedbowstome]

One thing no one could ever mistake Noah for being is pushy. Kaz appreciates that wildly, and he supposes it's the main reason he has agreed to this little arrangement of theirs at all. There's a balance between getting him past certain thresholds and keeping him okay and Noah walks the edge between them like he was always meant to be on a high wire.

"I didn't even realize it, half the time." And the rest of it, he didn't stop him, did he? That probably says more than any words might manage to.

He nods a little, "Sure." It would have been smarter to ask about that in the first place, but he just hadn't considered it. There were ways around it, and they'd managed fine. But he can't deny the convenience of the machines.

[enoderedrum]

Noah rolled his eyes but it’s a playful gesture and when he brushes past him to head back into the other room, he trails his hand over the others arm in the process. It’s brief but existent.

“So…you…like that I flirt with you, then?” He asks, flopping down onto the couch again. “I mean. You didn’t tell me to stop, so I’m assuming you like it.” Blue eyes travel along the other boys frame for a moment then flit around the space again. Sometimes he forgets Inej could be around and then when he remembers he slouches a little unconsciously.

He worries his cheek and slides his hands into his pocket again, retrieving a goldfish from the pouch he has in there, “Forget I asked that.”

A breath is taken and he rolls his head against the back of the couch, “Anyway, where is your head at right now with everything? We can talk about it if you want…”

[greedbowstome]

He bites the inside of his cheek as Noah pushes past him. There is the barrier of his sleeves against Noah's fingers on his arm, but it doesn't hide the fact that it happened. Quick enough there was no time for any sort of truly visceral reaction, though. He frowns for a moment before smoothing the look from his face and heading back into the living room with him.

He doesn't have time to actually answer him before Noah's casting the whole conversation off, suddenly. "You really don't want to know?" He asks, eyebrow arched slightly.

The shift in conversation makes everything about him instantly quieter. This is something else he's realized Noah is pushing him to do a lot more of. He still isn't great at it, by any stretch, getting him to talk about things is still not unlike pulling teeth, but bit by bit, it gets just a little easier.

"Wouldn't know where to start," he says honestly, his voice quiet.

[enoderedrum]

“I do but…you don’t have to. It’s fine. I already ask a lot from you,” Noah shrugs and watches Kaz move back into the room with him. Sometimes their conversations bounce from one thing to another, quick, but that too is also on purpose.

Licking his lips again, he watches the other boys face….and pops another goldfish into his mouth.

“Let’s start with….are you okay?” Noah tips his head, “And don’t give me the dismissive crap. I wanna know how you’re really feeling. Don’t make me search for it.”

[greedbowstome]

“Perhaps,”’he agrees with a slight nod. He can’t help his thoughts drifting to the twist of conversation with Jesper the other night, and the discussion his sharpshooter still expects to have about it all later. He settles on, “It doesn’t bother me.” The particulars of why that is can remain a mystery until another day.

He huffs a soft sound of amusement at the strangely intense way he eats the crackers, shaking his head a bit.

That feels like a much heavier question than it pretends to be. The added instruction only adds to that. It takes him several long, stretched out minutes of silence before he finally settles on, “Not really…” he knows he has to say more than that, explain it more or at all, but sometimes even the smallest facts are hard for him to admit and Noah is probably used to the baby steps moments these types of conversations require.

[enoderedrum]

Noah wonders briefly if he should bring up the thing with Jesper. The sharpshooter did call him in the middle of the night freaking out over it. But he doesn’t for now. He’s rolling over Kaz’s first answer while the other mulls out the second.

Kaz doesn’t mind the flirting. But that could mean a lot of things! It could just be that he’s used to people flirting with him. Probably, mostly, Jesper. That boy would flirt with a tree if it would give him attention. But then again there is that….thing, that Jesper and Kaz have. Noah wonders if Kaz even realizes that he flirts back with him once in a while.

When Kaz speaks again, it pulls Noah from his thoughts and he furrows his brows. It was a simple but loaded response.

“I’d hope not. Your best friend left it to you to kill him for your own good. That isn’t exactly an easy pill to swallow. And the fact that you did it couldn’t have felt nice. Then to live with it? That’s heavy. If you said you were okay I probably would have slapped you.” He admits before offering Kaz a cracker.

[greedbowstome]

“You didn’t have to lay it out all quite so plainly,” he says, a bit cross at having it in front of him like that; though he knows that was the intent— Noah seems to have a thing about facing these sorts of topics head on with no brakes.

He shakes his head a little in silent refusal of the proffered snack.

“I can’t do anything my about most of it.” He shrugs a little, almost sinking back against the couch. “Jesper made the right decision asking me, and I knew when I found them in the hallway, I couldn’t let Wylan do it. I did what had to be done, like I always do.” No matter the blood it stained his hands with nor the effect it had on him.